The Three Show
Alright, my theory is shot to hell. I was seriously thinking about writing a book called The One Show, in which my pathetic TV career stretches to appearing as a guest on every programme on television but only once - Newsnight Review, The Wright Stuff, Richard & Judy, What The Dickens on Sky Arts 2 - but BBC1's dastardly The One Show have ruined everything. I have only ever been asked to present an item once, but now I have contributed to two further items, the latest being one on Dan Brown, which aired yesterday. This was a lot of fun, despite me not feeling very well (the adrenalin of TV usually perks me up when I'm required to shine - I'm sure this is not good for long-term recovery, but it's a medical reality), and Gyles Brandreth and I mucked about a bit in Waterstone's on Piccadilly, with one bit of business about the Masonic handshake actually being left in the edit. Anyway, it's just a few moments in the limelight in a too-low chair, but it's traditional now for me to present a few screengrabs, and it will annoy Richard Herring, so here goes.
posted by Andrew Collins @ 8:34 AM
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That one of you two shaking hands reminds me of Michelangelo's Creation of Adam.
You look so uncomfortable in that chair!
That looks like the most uncomfortable sofa/couch thing to be interviewed on ever.... you inevitably end up having to take the role of the "co-lover" - that being the one who shares a bed but is in an awkward position in the corner rather than the one spread out like you weren't there.
I didn't catch you on the One Show but you were also on Scotland on Film on BBC4 last night. YOur hair looked much shorter - was it filmed some time ago?
Gyles Brandreth is the author of "The Big Book Of Secrets". Coincidence?
I think your "The One Show" book idea still works on this basis, you're lucky that the only show that has had you back is called "The One Show" so it ties in very nicely, a nice uplifting ending for you there.
Hah ! In your face, Herring. Love, love, love seeing you pop up on TV every so often. Andrew Collins, Book Buff. Doesn't work, does it?
Brandreth is laughing in the last frame because that's his bottom wiping hand.........and he NEVER washes it!
Probably.
(And if Giles Brandreth isn't a mason then I'm the Chairwoman of the Potters Bar branch of the Women's Institute.)
How did you cope being that close to Gyles Brandreth? My God!
Oh dear... screen grab body language suggests Brandreth is predatory or has v. stinky breath... I think we deserve the truth Mr C.
Wow. Giles doesn't respect other people's body-space, does he?
To be fair to him, while I don't enjoy him much as a TV 'character', I recently read his first Oscar Wilde detective novel and it's rather good.
I wasn't actually going to comment but I just noticed that the word verification is "hypedryl", which seems both sort of appropriate, and remarkable.
Congrats on your current run of tv and radio. Long may it continue.
Ken said: "Wow. Giles doesn't respect other people's body-space, does he?"
I've noticed the same with Keith Chegwin and Ainsley Harriot, both of which seem to think its impossible to talk to someone without putting an arm roung the and talking an inch from their face.
Out of curiosity, in the next podcast can you ask Richard what his policy is on respecting other peoples' body spaces? I don't recall him mentioning such a thing and I am sure regular listeners would appreciate the insight.
have you ever seen michael portillo and diane abbott on This Week? i think you two could take over...at least for one appearance.
You look like your body has been squashed in the trash compactor on the Death Star.
Either that or Giles has been ravashing you.
Either way ..you look a bit crumpled.
I particularly like the last two photos I'm not sure if your looking cool and aloof like james dean or crumpled and dishevelled like a drunk tramp, maybe a combination of the two, it's a good look I think. last time I saw Giles brandreth he was walking down a street wearing a green silk turquoise dress dragged up to the nines, I expect he was giving you the homosexual handshake where you tickle the palm with the ring finger. I remember Mathew Kelly on 'stars in your eyes' used to sidle up uncomfortably close to the contestants, always seemed slightly perverted to me, I suppose one mans being friendly is another mans crossing the line to be a bit too friendly...
I thought it was weird that there was no mention of you being one of the few people who had a chance to read the book at the time. It just says "writer and broadcaster". Anyone who doesn't read this blog or listen to the podcast will think that you're just some random chum of Brandreth.
Touchwood, the Scotland On Screen documentary was filmed on March 27 this year. You get used to the long gestation period for these things. My contributions nothwithstanding, that was a great little film, wasn't it? The way they mixed the archive with the modern location footage, especially The Wicker Man and Miss Jean Brodie. Quality stuff, I thought. And decent talking heads, too - again, me notwithstanding, although it was nice to be the token non-Scot!
For the record, Gyles was charm personified. He was really friendly, and was asking about Not Going Out and the podcast, so don't trust your first impressions. And if my body language suggests I am recoiling from his breath, you are mistaken. I was not very well, and very conscious that my breath might smell of a not-very-well man. I will have been recoiling for his benefit. The director chose the uncomfortable chair.
Alan Cumming, who presented the Scotland on Film doc, was up here (Sunny Oban. Look it up.) in the summer to film part of the programme.
He was here last week too. I saw him flouncing about town with ne'er a care in the world.
I couldn't believe my eyes. Oban...Hollywood of the North!?!
It was only through great will power and self-control that I managed to quash the desire to wind down the window and shout "AAAALLLLAAAANNNN" from the car.
Unfortunately, the same can't be said when I saw Ziggy Greaves from Grange Hill walking up Bold Street in Liverpool in 1987.
Oh the shame.
I went to Oban for my holidays in the late 80s. Fantastic place - went to Mull by the same ferry as Alan Cumming, Fort William, up some mountain in a cable car, even day trip to Dundee for cake etc.
Then I was right Andrew. Oban IS the Hollywood of the North.
I think I'll get in touch with the council about some sort of plaque.
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